On The Run.........Eatin'

A COOKS LIFE IN CRISIS (or, CALL THE NEWSPAPER...YOU'VE GOT AN EXCUSE-IVE!!!)

2010-09-10T20:45:00.006-05:00

The summer has been particularly hard on me for a bunch of lame reasons. I've got 2 desserts that I'm not crazy about on my menu right now and I'm chomping at the bit to get those dogs off of there. That will happen on Tuesday. It's actually a pretty thorough overhaul because if I'm gonna change one or two things, I may as well change a bunch of things. So here's to Tuesday.

I almost took a job that most likely would've turned out to be a disaster (again). I feel confident saying that I dodged a bullet. Whatever......

So that leaves me exactly where I was 2 months ago, which is feeling sort of stuck and a teensy bit unfulfilled. I still like the place that I work, but there are changes coming soon and I'm a little worried about what'll happen. The Executive Chef is leaving to start his own place and I don't know who's slated to replace him. That makes me nervous. If I knew who the guy was, then maybe I'd feel a bit more comfortable.

I was discussing all of this with my lovely wife and she suggested that I describe to her what my ideal work environment would be, so I went on to lay it down thusly.......

* Small(ish)

* Busy

* Open for breakfast, lunch and dinner

* Set up like a diner as far as seating goes. (i.e. counter seating, lots of booths)

* Pretty straightforward food....but better than average. (This is where it gets dicey...I can say all sorts of stuff about wanting to use all local produce and independent farmers and all of that and of course I do....everyone does. But I basically want to take all of that great meat and produce and make a kick ass Ruben....or a BLT. Or any other manner of "regular" food. There are people out there who may have a problem with that and may say that that isn't treating the food with the respect it deserves, but I can't think of a way I'd rather eat a super awesome tomato than on a BLT. There is also no better vehicle for corned beef and sauerkraut than rye or pumpernickle. Those were just on my mind so I used them as examples. Even though I honestly want to use all of that great stuff, I don't feel comfortable talking about it unless I'm doing it. Wanting to do and doing are miles apart. So there's that.)

Anyway....I tell her all of this and she says "You want it to be like Kenny Shopsin's." She was right. I think about Kenny Shopsin on a very regular basis and his attitude towards what he does has influenced me. I wont get into it right now, but if you don't know who he is, please look him up. He's got a book out called "Eat Me" and there's a pretty cool documentary about him called "I Like Killing Flies".

Anyhow.....I'd rather live my day to day life making food that people eat in their day to day life. I really enjoy making omelettes. I love making sandwiches. Tarts and pies, pizzas, burritos, biscuits and gravy, gingerbread....the list goes on. What I make at work all day long these days isn't really what I would order if I went out. That's also assuming that I would even go to a place that nice in the first place.

That brings me to a quick point.....The fact that I don't go to every new place that opens up or blindly jock every cooking trend does not in any way make me a shitty cook. I've worked very hard to learn how to do what I do and I'm very good at it. So stop looking at me sideways when I tell you that I haven't been to whatever new gastro-pub bullshit that has popped up in my neighborhood. (which used to be almost totally douche-free)

I'd rather have a restaurant that sits in the same damn building for 25 years. With this dream kitchen......

* One pizza oven, A four burner/flat-top range with an oven,a two basket fryer and maybe a grill. A small one.

* A sandwich cooler with low boys, or a pizza counter with cold drawers.

*One hot well and two soup warmers

*Two reach in coolers, one reach in freezer and a small walk in box

I guess that'll be all for now. I feel better.

BE PREPARED......DUMMY.

2010-04-07T09:15:00.003-05:00

I'm one of those cooks who has a big fucking tool box as opposed to a knife roll. It's clunky and awkward but it allows me to keep a gang of stuff in there. Since I'm usually doing pastry and baking, a lot of the work requires little doo-dad tools like piping tips and small spatulas. So I guess it's good for that. It's also a top notch stash spot for towels, rubber gloves, piping bags, and non-stick spray, which happens to be the same things that we're perpetually in danger of running out of.

So I guess I don't run out of that stuff.

Not to mention Alka-Seltzer, ibuprofin, Emergen-C and Band-Aids.

Here's to you tool box stash spot! You saved the day again.

(imagine this filled not with the tools shown, but a vast array of cooking junk and OTC medicine)

VALENTINE'S DAY

2010-03-01T07:53:00.004-06:00

Here are the desserts I had available for the prix fixe on good old Valentine's Day. Since it fell on a Sunday, we were serving this prix fixe on Saturday as well. The full dessert menu was also available. I went through over 100 of each of these over those two days. Pretty crazy.

Here's the good ol' flourless chocolate torte with raspberry coulis and vanilla creme anglaise. The unsung workhorse of any Valentine's Day menu.

Cookies and truffles.

Cookies: Double chocolate and toasted almond, orange and chocolate hearts, and pistachio wedding cookie

Truffles: Espresso, Orange, Dark Chocolate

Vanilla and Rosewater Panna Cotta with hibiscus syrup and pistachio wedding cookie

Champagne, White Chocolate Mousse, and Strawberry Parfait with mixed berries.

(not too sure why this one's off center. whoops.)

It was a pretty hectic weekend overall because if I remember correctly, there were two sizable parties on Friday to deal with as well. Sheesh. I had a good time though. Can't wait for Mother's Day, which happens to fall only a couple of weeks after I'll be expanding the Brunch pastry selection. I hope to be adding a new bread into the rotation since the boss wants to offer french toast. Yesterday I tested a cool challa type loaf with a dough that I normally use for sticky buns. I thought it worked well. We'll see what happens.

NEW DESSERTS

2009-10-26T13:01:00.003-05:00

Here are some new things on my menu.

Peanut Butter Marshmallow Pie with Port Wine.

Chocolate Toffee Almond Tart with Coffee Ice Cream and Navel Orange Confit.

Cinnamon Roll Bread Pudding with Apple Butter, Oatmeal Lace Cookie and Vanilla Creme Anglaise.

MORE PHOTOS FROM WORK.

2009-10-12T08:24:00.002-05:00

Taken over the last couple months.

WORK PHOTOS

2009-10-12T07:51:00.004-05:00

Here's a few photos that I took at work. More to come.

THOUGHTS ON CURRENT RAPS

2009-07-22T19:48:00.002-05:00

I'd like to start this by saying that I don't care to draw a line between "rap" and "hip hop" when I'm talking about music. This comes down to the fact that I think the word rap is cooler to say. It feels better. I've ALWAYS thought that "hip hop" sounded as if it came from the mouth of an old lady. I realize that lots of people want to draw this distinction between the two but I don't feel that there's any valid difference. I know what KRS said but whatever.....this is the internet.

I work with a guy who is head over heels in love with what he feels to be "real hip hop".His "real hip hop" is basically represented by The Native Tongues, The Pharcyde, and whatever Rhymesayers is putting out and little else. Now....understand that this is happening in Houston, Texas. Home of the late, great DJ Screw, UGK, Flip, Chamillionaire, et fucking cetera.

I'm tired of people telling me what's real and what's not.

I LOVE Native Tongues. De La Soul is my hands down favorite group of all time, but in no way does that stop me from liking Weezy, Gucci, Trick Daddy, etc....

I guess what I'm trying to get at is that there's a time and place for everything. I DO NOT want to hear Atmosphere when I'm out at a club, bar or whatever. I love those guys but as I said...there's a time and a place.

When I hear someone telling me how terrible Weezy or Gucci is I start to feel a little uncomfortable because I'm of that stock that came before the separation of rap jams. That is to say that when I hear a good rap, I'ma feel it.

I'd like to keep it that way.

Work sucks.

THAT OLD RAP SHIT.

2009-06-08T08:59:00.003-05:00

Here's something I wrote a couple of years ago when I was feeling more nostalgic than usual. If I remember correctly, I had just finished watching "The Freshest Kids" which, by the way, is a fantastic movie. Anyhow, this movie got me all "....back in the day, blah, blah, blah...." and feeling a little sad that things weren't the same as when I was a kid. I think about it quite a bit actually especially considering the current state of Hip Hop in general. I still follow things pretty closely in regards to music but am rarely impressed with what I'm finding. This isn't to say that I'm living in the past, but I think it's harder to find really creative and fully realized raps these days. Since it's so easy to release what is made, it seems that a bunch of stuff gets put out sounding a little thin. I hear a lot of stuff that sounds like it was banged out from start to finish in a couple hours and thrown onto the net with little regard for a second or third listen. I realize that Hip Hop music thrives on situations like that but sheesh, maybe go through your little chune and tweak a couple of levels. Things seem to be divided as well. I think growing up when I did has allowed me to appreciate different types of raps for what they are because there was little distinction between actual types of rapping when I was a kid. If it was political, it was still Hip Hop. If it was funny, it was still Hip Hop. There was hard gangster and poppier stuff getting equal time simply because there was less to go around as a whole. I still try to not use any distinctions with my music other than good, bad, I like it, I don't like it, and "that would be awesome to hear in a club".
Soooooooooo.......Yeah, I'm an old man but men get old. I can always look forward to answering questions about the old stuff a few years down the road. Hopefully.

Here's the old thing I wrote.....

Hip Hop made me what I am today.
Hip Hop will always be there for me. I'll admit that I got into it during the early eighties media blitz but that was impossible to avoid. Besides, I was nine years old and loved what I saw and heard. It still moves me and motivates me well over twenty years later and if that doesn't say something about the quality of Hip Hop as an entire culture, nothing can. I actually don't think that anything needs to be said about it anymore because those who really know the time will accept Hip Hop's place in their lives as their driving force.

Hip Hop taught me the most important lessons that I have ever learned. It taught me to have confidence, to be original, to have respect and to earn respect, and to always try to keep moving forward. I didn't get any of this from anything else. That isn't to say that punk rock or whatever doesn't teach those things because I really think that it does and I love it, but Hip Hop is where I got mine. It stuck with me and by me longer than anything in my life.

I'm not a rapper, although I can kick a rhyme every once and a while and know that it's pretty fresh. I wouldn't call myself a DJ but I can mix beats and scratch a little bit. I guess you could think of my turntables as the guitar propped up in the corner. I don't play every day, but when I get in the mood I can flex. I also have a record collection that could probably make yours look like your mothers. I'm no B-Boy buy I've got some fresh moves on the dance floor and have no problem getting down if I'm really feeling it. I was a grafitti writer for a long time and I got to be pretty good at it. It got me into a shitload of trouble a ton of times but I look back at it all very fondly and always come to this question.......

Would I be the same person without Hip Hop? And the answer is no.

Most of the people I know aren't as fond of it as I am and I'm okay with that. I don't think I could be as Hip Hop as I am if I was surrounded by it 24-7. I think I would be selling myself short if I didn't try to explore other things and have new experiences outside the traditional aspects of Hip Hop. Take for instance my love of punk rock and country music. If I hadn't become such a complete nerd for rap, there's no way in hell that I would have tried to find out where all of these samples came from and spend hours in record stores looking for them only to come across Johnny Cash and love it. He was Hip Hop and Elvis was pop. Not to mention a biter. Anyhow.....from all of that came my love for jazz and funk as well. As far as punk goes....well, it was another thing that moved me emotionally and still does. It has a very similar rich history as far as a culture rising out of basically nothing due to the surroundings that it grew out of. Every Hip Hop kid that I have ever known has liked at least a little bit of punk rock and vice versa. No real Hip Hopper will clown you for liking non Hip Hop stuff because everything is Hip Hoppable.

It keeps me humble while it lets me know that I'm the fucking man. That alone drives me to do what I do with gusto because if you can't show and prove what you say you can do, you're just a chump with a big mouth. At least I have a little bit of talent that I try to cultivate and I'll be the first person to ask a question if I don't know and not be afraid of looking stupid. I'm not stupid but I certainly don't know everything and since so many things interest me, I find myself in that situation often. A good example of that is how I bought a grubby Clyde Drexler Tournament t-shirt off of my friend Chappy's back so I could cut out the piece that said "Don't be denied education" so I could hang it up on my bookcase. If you stop learning, you stop growing and when you stop growing, you start dying.

Originality is soooooo important. You can like what someone else does but if you don't put your own spin on it, you're a fucking biter. The slang I speak might make some people write me off as a dummy, but that just weeds out people I don't want to talk to. This happened to me last night. It actually happens often but last night was a good example. This dude that I was with started dogging me out because I said "baby-daddy" instead of "husband". Eveyone there knew that they were married and had a kid so big deal if I said what I said. Shit like that sets me apart and if you want to make fun of me, you'd better come correct because if you really want to get into it, I can tear your ass up and make you look like last year's bitch. Hip Hop taught me how to do that as well. I can be a funny motherfucker at your expence.

The clothes I wear may not appeal to you but I can't bring myself to wear the standard hipster uniforn of way too tight jeans and some t-shirt that says some junk on it. For the record, I'm a little too chunky for tight jeans and I have a few goofy shirts, but that's not all I've got. On the side of Hip Hop fashon, well that's just as bad for the most part. I'm not going to leave the house looking like a toddler rodeo clown who forgot to take the stickers off of his hat. You may say that that in itself is style but when everyone does it, it starts to suck really fast. A good example of fresh style in Hip Hop woud be Farnsworth Bentley and Andre Benjamin.

So I guess that's it. I love Hip Hop and Hip Hop loves me unconditionally.

It is , deep down, who I am and will always be.

And you don't stop.............

MORE REGARDING FOOD.

2009-03-31T22:22:00.003-05:00

The reasons that I love food are a little deeper than others, I think. For most it seems to be a regular routine with options to like or not like.
I don't feel the same way.
I feel that food deserves a lot more respect than it's given. By this I mean Donut Shops and Hot Dog Carts should be held in the same regards as any restaurant thats pumping out whatever trendy food is dominating menus at the time.

I've never been a fan of cooking trends mostly because history proves them to be only that for the most part. For me, the act of cooking, the preparation, the routine is what I feel so much enjoyment from. It feels good to be a part of something with some historical backbone. Besides....the oldest recipes are the most fun to cook.

I have to have fun when I cook. I have to feel connected to the product as well as the intended target.

I feel great when I am able to make something classic that turns out perfect. Most of what I do is based upon some seriously old techniques and to be able to tap into that is a pretty cool thing.

When you make bread, you have to treat it with such care and respect that it becomes closer to you than other cooking.

Desserts are the most fun to do because you're pretty much required to have a youthful attitude.

It feels alot more satisfying knowing that I pleased someone. You see, lots of people think making desserts is an easy gig because they think it's easy to please people. But people are as picky with desserts as they are with eggs and if you don't come through, well.........just like with eggs, they'll eat them but they wont really LIKE them

I'm pretty over berries as an arbitrary garnish. Just because it's a dessert does not mean it needs to have a raspberry next to it. Work a little harder.

Ice creams and sorbets should be treated the same way as soups.......If you have some leftovers....freeze that shit and sell it.

I'm starting a new job tomorrow and it looks to be a lot better than the last one. I hope.

The place that I was working was not a very nice place to work. I just didn't feel comfortable and I'm pretty sure that the management wasn't very comfortable with me either.I hope for better things at my new job.

I don't have many strong feelings about any hip hop right now other than B.o.B. aka Bobby Ray. I think that this guy is an inch from being something really great.If he doesn't break large within the next couple of months, then I'm gonna be pretty upset. He's doing cool stuff. For real.

When nothing inspires you anymore, that's when it all falls apart.

TIMES CHANGE. LIFE GOES ON.

2008-12-21T08:56:00.003-06:00

I'm gonna say right now that I'm confident with my skills a foodservice professional but the only person that I'm going to bend over backwards for is myself. I was pretty lit when I made my last post but my feelings remain the same. I'd rather have fun working with my friends for less money than be treated like punk for a lot of money. Money. That was a major motivation for me taking the job I took. I'm not very proud of that but once again, I bought what the guy was selling. I definitely had stars in my eyes but have since come to the conclusion that it's not worth being absolutely miserable for a paycheck. Especially when other options are available. I'm glad that I have the support of my lovely girlfriend because without her, I'd be in a really fucked up state of mind.

Maybe this would be a good time to get to a few of the restaurant industry related topics I've been meaning to address. I've got a little more time now.

Unfortunately, bloggers seem to have become a credible source for reviews on restaurants and food in general. This bugs me but I'm not sure why. I don't know if I can get behind the review if I see it on a blog. I guess that would depend on the blog though. I dunno.......I have vague feelings against the anonymity of the internet. Any jagoff can have a blog.....look at me, for example. Who knows what some of these food bloggers do for a living? Don't give me any crap story about them doing it because they just love food either. If someone is writing about RESTAURANTS, I need to know that they are explicitly familiar with the restaurant as a workplace. They'd have to be currently working in the field for me to give any time to their review. Anyone else's opinion is suspect.

Of course everyone is entitled to their opinion and I'm all for people doing it, but I'm not gonna take just any review on face value.

Unrelated rap jam.

I QUIT.

2008-12-19T05:02:00.002-06:00

I'm not gonna kill myself for someone else's fame. I'm not angry. I just wanna be happy. I'd think that it's better to get your shit together.

HOLY SHIT.

2008-12-14T11:14:00.004-06:00

I sure am worn out. I've been working a lot and trying to keep up the good work I've been doing. I'm happy with the desserts but improvements could be made. I need some good help soon as well as some better space to work with. Plating during service can be a real beast and last night was no exception. The whole weekend was rough since we had a party of 33 with a separate tasting menu on Friday and a party of 30 on Saturday with the same setup. Both parties had different desserts and the Saturday party had a choice of two. All of this is aside from our busy ass weekend service which was in the 120's on both nights.

I need a more experienced assistant. That would be a good start. Having to teach someone how to properly scoop ice cream is irritating as fuck when it's getting to be like 8:30 and orders are piling up. A lot of the stuff I do takes quite a bit of practice and my assistant is a student as well as a serious rookie as far as kitchen operations are concerned. She's doing a pretty good job though. We'll be starting lunch service and I'll need one more person so if I can get someone in who knows more general stuff, I can shuffle the two around a bit to get more work done. Or I should say better work done. I can't take time right now to make a lot of the little stuff to garnish plates or just stuff to have around like madelines and palmiers or extra sorbets and ice creams. That will come soon though. I have faith in my abilities.

I need a day off too.

There hasn't been a RFTC jam up here for a while so here's one now.

TRACK THE MOVEMENT

2008-11-11T09:37:00.002-06:00

So.....I left my job of several years on Sunday to join the ranks of a new restaurant owned by a bona fide celebrity chef. Chef Robert Gadsby has asked me to be the Pastry Chef at his new place. This move is undoubtedly the biggest move I have ever made in my career so I'm pretty nervous but excited at the same time. If I just do me I should be in great shape. This restaurant will give me the chance to get some shine and make some wild desserts at the same time. I can't wait to start cooking there.

Yesterday was my first full day of work at Bedford and it was spent lifting ovens onto tables, crawling under coolers and peeling plastic protective film off of tons of stainless steel tables, shelves and walls. I actually start cooking tomorrow. Today is the day that I'll be picking up all of my storage equipment and placing all of my orders for produce and dry goods. The soft opening is on Thursday and it will be very hard to pull off without problems, but I am aiming for a reasonably hassle free experience.

I'll post my menu and some photos at a later date........in the meantime, here's some Lord Finesse for you.

WINTER RAPS

2008-11-06T09:10:00.003-06:00

Man....It's been too long since I've put anything up here. Hurricane Ike fucked up my world for a while and now I'm about to start a new job so I've been pretty jammed up. Stress mode in full E-F-F-E-C-T.

Every winter I find myself listening to more and more rugged ass rap. The listening of the following groups goes through the roof.

M.O.P.

Smif N Wessun

The Beatnuts (although I keep these dudes in heavy rotation, I like most of it more in the winter)

Jeru

There's lots more I could post up here. Nas and Gang Starr come to mind, but I think that I move towards these types of songs every winter because when most of these songs came out, I was freezing my ass off in Minneapolis and walking somewhere I usually didn't want to go with these jams in my headphones.

If my memory serves me correctly, all of these songs were released in the fall. That meant you were going to be holed up somewhere listening to them because it was so damn cold out and if you did go anywhere, you had on the ubiquitous SONY MDR-V150 headphones on. No one had a car and those provided nice ear coverage and sound without making you look like a Herb. They have a long ass cord too.

I'm jealous as hell of the kids who have iPods nowadays. I used to have to carry like four or five tapes and extra batteries around if I wanted some sort of variety for those long winter walks. Maybe I would make a mix tape for myself but that shit took forever, just as dubbing did. Let's not forget that the sound quality of the cassette Walkman was utter crap compared to the iPod.

Now my iPod has every fucking rap tune I own on it and I'm in Texas so not only do I not get very cold in the winter, but I don't walk very many places anymore. Times change.

Sure as shit though, every September or thereabouts I start clicking on those songs to listen to and as a result get all nostalgic and shit. For some reason I start to miss walking miles in the snow because I missed the bus or something.

This comes to mind.......I know ALL OF THE WORDS to the these various songs and albums because I had to walk somewhere and listen to them over and over again. If you forgot to bring along another tape and had a long walk, you weren't gonna NOT listen to that one tape. Hell no. You flipped that thing over and over until you got home or wherever it was that you were going. I always seemed to have Cuban Linx in. To this day I can't hear one song off of that album and not think of this crazy long walk I had to take after work. In fact, if I was somehow struck blind, I bet that if you put that shit in my headphones and started me out at the place where I was working, I could totally get across downtown Minneapolis just because I usually was listening to that and always took the same route. I should try that sometime if I ever get back to that town.

DE LA SOUL

2008-08-27T12:45:00.006-05:00

I was reading some stuff the other day about the influence of De La Soul on hip hop in general and it got me to thinking how I came about my own super nerd fan status of the Plugs and here are a few things I can remember..........

De La was the first group to tear me away from Ice T. For some reason, at that time, he was all I would listen to as far as rap went. I was really into "Swass" by Sir Mix A Lot too. Anyhow............"3 Feet High And Rising" came out and I slept on it for a good long time. Finally, I decided to check it out and was totally blown away. I couldn't believe what I was hearing and for the weeks to come that was all I would listen to. That album totally shifted my focus of hip hop fandom from angry gangster rap to more cerebral stuff. I ended up going on crazy music hunting binges and in a pretty short amount of time, became familiar with all of the Native Tongue catalog and history. It all had and air of light heartedness to it even when it was markedly more conscious, like with The Jungle Brothers.

I'll credit that shift to steering me towards my creative outlets that I still have to this day. I became a music lover as soon as I heard that album. I recognized the Ben E. King sample of "Stand By Me" on "A Little Bit Of Soap" and thought it was so incredible that such a beautiful love song could be turned into a minute long joke song about smelly people. That's really all I needed to get hooked at age 14.

So I started buying records. That immediately became cool among me and my friends and we hit the few shops we could go to with gusto. I still buy any thing with De La's name on it and I still have those records from back in the day too.

When "De La Soul Is Dead" came out (on the same day as "Original Gangster" by Ice T) I picked it up and listened to it from start to finish and didn't like most of it..too slow, a little confusing, and most of all, vastly different from 3 Feet High. I was expecting more of the same and was pretty shocked when that album didn't deliver. The song I really hated was "A Rollerskating Jam Named Saturdays" and looking back, I can't even remember why. Over the next few months, I would keep going back to it more and more and now it's the summer jam of all time. Really. Here's the video, which is pretty awful. Watch out for some day glo, rollerBLADES, and crappy video quality. The song is great though.

So De La expanded my musical horizons by adding depth and emotion that wasn't common on most hip hop records and I was finding all sorts of great music to listen to that was in a similar vein. I'm pretty sure that the same year that De La released "Buhloone Mindstate" , A Tribe Called Quest released "Midnight Maurauders", Wu Tang came out and crushed everything and lets not forget Nas and "Illmatic"

Anyhow...."Buhloone Mindstate" came out and once again, I wasn't ready for what I was hearing. There was a depressing mood to the record and I really thought that De La was going to break up. The music was upbeat but if you really listened to the lyrics, they were anything but. There were also large passages of the album where there was no rapping going on and not with the little skits they'd become famous for either. There are actual songs in the middle of the record that no one raps on, or that feature someone who raps in Japanese and not one dude from De La raps on. I didn't know what the fuck to do with myself. I told anyone who would listen that it was all over for the Native Tongues (and it kinda really was) and that De La was using that album to throw that last shovelful of dirt on the grave. (and they kinda really were)

Since those days, that holds it's place as my favorite De La album because of all of those things that I hated so much. I hadn't looked at them as moving forward and trying new things because I hadn't ever looked at them as artists. They were just rappers. I felt that way about all rappers until I came around on this record.(which took about a year)

There's a pattern here. Da La puts out a record and I hate it, then I love it because it shows me other directions music can go. This causes me to look for more music and build on that. That's what makes me love their music so much. It actually taught me things that were valuable.

After that, money rap came heavily into play and De La didn't really do anything that I can remember. Everyone was getting VERY into name brands, money, jewelry and the other trappings of life in a rap video. I was too. There was a time where I literally would not wear clothes that were not approved name brands. I thought that that's how it was supposed to be. I had to have all of the fly Polo and Nautica and DKNY and Tommy and Guess gear that I could get my hands on. I was PLAYING myself like a sucker. Looking back on those times, I don't feel very proud of myself or anything that I accomplished.

The shift in opinions that I went through to cause me to come to my senses is an unrelated story but it did happen around the same time that De La released "Stakes Is High" so I put those two things together. During the few years that De La was not around, I along with the rest of hip hop (and it was EVERYONE...don't front.) was behaving pretty foolishly and many, many of them continue doing so. Look at Soulja Boy.

Now, I'd like to state for the record that I enjoy A LOT of music that many would label as ignorant or shitty or being part of all of the things that I was going on about earlier. But the fact of the matter is, when Big Boi from Outkast talks about having money, or whatever, I just see that as normal rap bragging and boasting because he's far more diverse that that as an artist and really does more than just that. Some of it I like simply because it makes me wanna dance. There has always been a place for stuff like that in hip hop and it will always be there, but when EVERYONE is doing it and all you hear on the radio is shit like that, that is where the problem lies.

It just can't ALL be that materialistic. There has to be some kind of content to make people think about and listen to what you're saying because after the club banger gets old, the money is gonna run out.

Ugh. I made myself depressed.Anyhow.....here's that link I promised. After the interview there's a great mixtape you can download that basically has every classic De La jam on it

WAX REPORT

2008-08-19T09:53:00.003-05:00

Boy, did I ever get some nice stuff on my days off. I took another trip to the usual spot and came out ahead with the following jams......

The Blackbyrds - "City Life"

It's safe to say that my record purchases these days are more directed towards historical samples, breaks, and famous early park jam records in general and what better a record to reflect that than this one. The first track is 'Rock Creek Park' which was HUGE among b-boys. The first few bars are a nice steady, funky beat that would be a breeze to rock doubles with and then, of course there's the only lyrics of "Doin' it in the park, doin' it after dark, oh yeah, Rock Creek Park" which everyone recognizes as funky as hell. Just that song alone has been sampled by....

Grandmaster Flash and the Furious Five on "We Will Rock You"
Eric B and Rakim on "The R"
De La Soul on "Ghetto Thang"
Ice Cube on "I Wanna Kill Sam"
Ultramagnetic MC's on "When I Burn"
N.W.A on "Quiet On Tha Set"

....to name a few. That's just the first track. There's at least two other songs on here that have samples that I recognize, but can't remember which rap tune they're on. The last track on this record is a banger as well. 'Hash and Eggs' has a dope clavinet in it and the beat is raw. It cost me a buck and sounds great.

Oh yeah....thanks a fucking lot RITA ALDRIDGE for scrawling your stupid name three times on the front cover.

The Blackbyrds - "Action"

Another sample heavy record from these dudes. 'Supernatural Feeling' was used by K.M.D on '808 Man' off of their spectacular album 'Mr. Hood' and 'Mysterious Vibes' was used by Kurious on 'I'm Kurious' off of his 'A Constipated Monkey' release.

Speaking of K.M.D., it's a damn shame what's happening with Doom these days. I don't want to believe that an impostor was on stage at Rock The Bells but considering all of the stupid shit that rappers do, I wouldn't doubt it. What really bugs me is one of my childhood heroes is getting raked over the coals for something that he probably DID do and that's fucking wack. The things he allegedly did, that is. I hate the fact that I agree that that shit was fake ass fuckery. Sometimes I hate Hip Hop and crap like this is when it really gets me down. I tend to hold the musicians I like in pretty high regard so when one of them does something I consider to be fucked up or whatever, it puts me in a weird place. Anyhow....I hope something good or at least clever comes out of this.

Fame in Dear Olde Blighty.

2008-08-14T11:08:00.000-05:00

So as I was doing my mid morning blog check and weed puff, I got onto the FATLACE site and found that they had posted an email I had sent them a few weeks ago. Since I never got any reply after I had sent it, I just chalked it up to some Brits being arseholes. Definitely NOT the case. These blokes are spot on.

I'll stop trying to use British slang to say that I fucking love the internet.

Hurricane Funk.

2008-08-05T10:59:00.000-05:00

Good thing I went for records yesterday because Tropical Storm Edouard (to be referred to from now on as Ed-O) is banging into the coast as I write this. It probably wont get gnarly until tonight so I ran up to the local liquor store to grab some Jack Daniel's and beers in preparation for hunkering down during the storm. So now it's booze up and listen to records time.

These are my dollar bin finds........

Super Cat - "Ghetto Red Hot" 12" b/w "Don Dada"

I fucking love this song. Super Cat was the first dancehall guy that I got into way back in like 1990. My friends absolutely HATED this stuff due to the Casio keyboard type beats. I honestly wasn't too big on 'em either, but discovering dancehall was like discovering hip hop all over again except WAY more foreign. This single has a hip hop mix that I used to have on a compilation called "NYC Badmen" which was lost years ago. It's basically the same beat as "Punks Jump Up To Get Beat Down" by Brand Nubian with some gunshots licked pon de track for good measure.

Mandrill - "Composite Truth" AND "Beast From The East"

I don't know much about these dudes except that they're funky as hell, they were from Do or Die Bed- Stuy, and they've been sampled by lots of rappers including P.E. and Kanye. I'll admit that I slept on these guys for quite a while, but here they are doing "Fencewalk" which I now own on "Composite Truth".......1973

Dennis Coffey - "Back Home"

I first picked up a Dennis Coffey record about a year ago called "Calling Planet Earth" on 12". I got it for a quarter without hearing it or knowing who he was but that 25 cents paid the hell off. I grabbed it because it was on Westbound. It's a really disco-ey jam with a dope computer voice and cool guitars. This is the only LP of his I've gotten and it's a bit more laid back funk as opposed to upbeat disco jams, but you can still hear that in there. He got lots of DJ spins back in the day with "Scorpio" by him and The Detroit Guitar Band. You'd recognize that tune in an instant, so here's a tune from "Back Home" called "Wings Of Fire" that you may have never heard.

I should mention now that it's two days after I started writing this that Ed-O was not much more than a nasty storm. It was cool to chill out drinking Old Fashions with my lady though. We listened to alot of records and cooked up a gang of tasty food. We got really drunk too. It was a blast. Back to the jams...........

Herbie Hancock - "Headhunters"

Ha-ha, chumps! I got this classic for a buck! I can't tell why it was in the dollar bin either. No skips, no visible scratches, hell....the wax itself is still pretty shiny. The sleeve is in great shape and it's not a reprint either. Whatever. This is a good example why I'm starting to say "Fuck Half Price Books". Half Price Books would've sold this exact same record for 15 bucks just because of it's relative fame. the most I would've shelled out for this one is about 7 bucks. Anyhow......This gem was Herbie's earliest foray into fusion and it pays off in the sense that it's not too over the top. There's still quite a bit of standard jazz in the mix, but newer synths and stuff like that which make for a funky record. You'll recognize samples off of this record as well. Specifically "Chameleon". Here it is.....

The Crusaders - "Chain Reaction"

Keep in mind that I got all of these on the same day at the same place all for 97 cents each. I'm surprised at that. The Crusaders record is pretty funky. Also in the jazz fusion category and I think there's a sample on here somewhere. I haven't finished listening to it yet. Good record though. By the way, these dudes started out here in Houston. So there.

80's Jams

2008-08-01T10:20:00.000-05:00

Man.....I don't give a fuck what anyone says, I'ma get with some 80's records. It doesn't hurt my enthusiasm that I got a gang of primo hits for a buck either. Here's a rundown of my haul......all on 45.

* Animotion - "Obsession"
* Taco - "Puttin' On The Ritz"
* Peter Schilling - "Major Tom (Coming Home)"
....This alone is worth the dollar to me.
* Blondie - "The Tide Is High"
...with cover art
* Cyndi Lauper - "She Bop"
* Los Lobos - "La Bamba"
* Men Without Hats - "Safety Dance"
* Wang Chung - "Dance Hall Days" & "Everybody Have Fun Tonight"
(an admittedly crappy song, but it was with the rest of them. I really don't like the idea of people thinking I like that song....cuz I don't. "Dancehall Days" is a banger though.)
* Madonna - "Crazy For You"
* Dexy's Midnight Runners - "Come On Eileen"
(Those dudes were The Decemberists before The Decemberists were. Overalls and banjos and shit?! Word UPPP!)
* Madness - "Our House"
* Sheila E. - "The Belle Of St. Mark" b/w "Too Sexy"
( I'm only including the b-side because Ms. E provides a sick percussion solo towards the end. B-Boy-eriffic!!!)

I'm gonna pause to comment on how much I dig Sheila E......She was the coolest out of all of the Prince chicks because she had real talent other than her looks. Vanity, Appollonia, and let's not forget Sheena Easton were all pretty much puppets that Prince was tapping but Sheila E. was in his BAND. That alone gives her endless credibility. If you ever get a chance to see her tear up a drum, take it. Not to mention she's fine as hell to this day. Where the fuck are the rest of them sluts? I read that Vanity lived with Nikki Sixx and smoked rock every day. Now, Prince is a weirdo, but that is a step straight into the gutter. She's a christian now and literally denies the fact that her past ever happened. Sheila E. on the other hand, is still wrecking it on the drums and at least appearing to be having a blast. Oh yeah, Fallon thinks that she's Nicole Ritchie's real momma. I can sorta see that.

Ahem.....

* Corey Hart - "Sunglasses At Night"
* Simple Minds - "Don't You (Forget About Me)"
* The Pointer Sisters - "Slow Hand"

Now, the last three on the list aren't too good. Well, I guess the Simple Minds song is pretty awesome but I never really got into the Pointer Sisters and Corey Hart sucks.

Finding these records has gotten me re-geeked on 80s jams. I was about 8-12 years old when all of these came out so I have pretty good recollection of hearing them the first time around. I can't wait to DJ some 80s night under the name of......

DJ Blane McDonough

ORRRRR.......

DJ Duckie Dale

I think I'm leaning towards Duckie.

Maybe I paid too much, but .........

2008-07-13T08:14:00.000-05:00

Fallon's birthday was last Wednesday and she wanted to go to Vinal Edge to get some records so I was more than happy to oblige because neither of us had ever even been there. What a good decision that was. Fallon found a bunch of cool stuff in the dollar bins (The Ink Spots, The James Gang, Blood,Sweat and Tears, a gang of Steely Dan, Boston) and I picked up three things that are pretty unique.

I found five or six reggae 45s straight from yard (lawdamerceh!) with one being "Unmetered Taxi" by Sly and Robbie. I got it for a buck and it's going on eBay for six so I feel pretty good about that one. It's in awesome condition as well and you already know there's a sweet, sweet dub version on the b-side as is the same with most reggae 45s.

Sly and Robbie were famous as hell before they made this song, but this was the one that just mashed up de dancehall and became the "Taxi Riddim". Seriously, Google it. I found 113 songs that used it. It's easily on par with the Stalag riddim ("Bam Bam" by Sister Nancy) as far as recognition goes. You wont get more than five seconds into the song before you start yelling "BO!BO!BO! BUMMMBOCLAAAAAT!!" or some other equally excited patois. It's that good.

The more I find out about these two, the more impressed I get. In addition to working with EVERY prominent reggae artist since 1975, they've produced Bob Dylan, The Rolling Stones, Sting, No Doubt, and many others. They also invented the pivotal "rockers" sound which changed reggae forever. Also, without these two men, the genre of Drum and Bass would not exist. Sheesh.

So I guess that was a good get. Let's move on to the records that I paid too much for........

I'll pay too much for a record without any reservations if I want it enough and the ones that really jack my wallet up are hip hop singles. When I was a teenager, I would usually buy different records than my friends so we could get more out of our trip to the record store and have a wider variety of songs to listen to when we went back home and got high. This was a good idea at the time, but made for huge gaps in my collection. I never bought any Gang Starr records because Greg or Nate would so now I've got dick as far as that group is concerned. I bought all the old school and Native Tongue stuff while Andrew was getting West Coast , etc, etc...... Now these records that I passed on back in the day are tough to get without using the Web which is no surprise. So considering all of this, I get a bit shall we say, stupid when I come across a record that I haven't seen for fifteen years which brings us to.....

"Nuttin But Flavor" by Funkmaster Flex and the Ghetto Celebs on Wreck Records which was a spin-off of Nervous Records.
The "Ghetto Celebs" mentioned are none other than Charlie Brown of Leaders of the New School, Biz Markie, Ol' Dirty Bastard. Muthafuckin' together at last, I guess. I've yet to come across a weirder combination of rappers on a record produced and released by a DJ. This was waaaaaaaaaaaaaaay before Flex got all of that fame he's soaking in. (Come on, Flex. A truck?)

Anyhow, It's banging on several levels. First of all, it's a pretty fucking rare record. Wreck was a mid-level label at best and none of the guys on this song were very famous at the time. (I guess Biz was but he has a very special type of fame reserved for people who are known all over the world yet nobody thinks they're famous.) Secondly, the track itself is pretty good. I don't think Flex had done anything like this before so it's a nice start. It's a pretty sparse beat with some piano and some good scratching. Third.......Ol' Dirty Bastard, Dirt McGirt, Unique Ason, Russel MFing Jones, party people. His verse is his typical crazy, left field style which never failed to impress. He was at the top of his game at this point and it shows. It's a really complex rap that sounds like he just walked out of the bathroom and into the booth, still zipping up his pants. He probably did. Rest in peace O.D.B.

Finally, Biz sings on it.

It cost me 10 bucks. I honestly think I could've talked him down but I acted like a freak when I pulled it out of the stack and he saw me doing it, cuz he looked up from his Stouffer's lasagna long enough to see me holding it over my head saying "Yesssssssssssssss". At that point I was a mark. Whatever, though. I've got the record and it's like new.

"Crazy Cuts" by Grandmixer D.ST was my final purchase for six dollars. I already had it too, but apparently forgot when I found it in the crate. It's a pretty cool record for the historical aspects of it, but the song itself would probably be considered to be a bit of a dud. The single was released off of the album "Real Deep" (which I've never seen or heard) in 1983 by Island and has Bill Laswell (Praxis) on bass. This record could mark Bill Laswell's first of many collaborations with DJs and other rap-type dudes. I probably could've saved my money though. Oh well, now I've got two.

All of my desserts got wiped out last night so I've got a pretty busy Sunday to look forward to. Kafir Lime Creme Brulee will hopefully make it's debut tonight or tomorrow night.

New wax.

2008-07-02T12:23:00.000-05:00

I picked up some nice stuff at my sort of regular spot a couple of days ago.

Large Professor "About That Time" 12" on Matador (!?) of all labels. It says that it's number 2 in a series of Matador Hip Hop releases but I never heard of it. Not even this song.... and I love Extra P. I have yet to check and see what the other releases were, but if this one is any indication, they're probably not all that good.

The track, which was produced by LP himself is banging plain and simple. I listened to the instrumental first and was pleased as punch but the the track with lyrics simply has raps that are not nearly as good as they could've been. This is a common feeling for me when hearing latter day Large Professor. I didn't even make it through the flip side. It didn't really suck or anything, but I was disappointed.

For 3 bucks, I got myself a test pressing of Queen Latifah's first album "All Hail The Queen". I always get a little excited when I come across test pressings because you know they never were in a store and were advance copies and all of that other exclusive shit. Even the white label says "Test Pressing. Exclusive. A-List DJ's Only!" All of Tommy Boy's tests say that but I've always liked to think that the record that is in my crate now may have once been in the hands of say......Flex or Mark The 45 King, or even Biz but I don't think Biz ever sells anything. Speaking of 45 King, he produced a ton of tracks for this album with the standouts being "Latifah's Law", "Ladies First" and my personal favorite "Wrath Of My Madness" that has a bit of dancehall stylee on the chorus. That song is fucking spectacular. I wish I had it on a single.

I grabbed a Souls Of Mischief single for "Rock It Like That" and "Sho For Real" but I only ever kind of liked those guys. I know that that's akin to blasphemy, especially on the internets, but I was more of a Casual fan.

(I own not one of that guys records. So hard to come by!!) I liked Del a lot too, but not as much as most white dudes.

Why the hell do white folks go so crazy for Del? The first person to ever tell me about "Mistadobalina" was a white dude in a Phillies Blunt hat at Macalester College while I was playing Arkanoid. Three days later, I was on acid at First Avenue for Sunday Night Dance Party (white kids) and saw the video.

I still recall that night every time I hear that song. I went out and copped the tape and loved it. (natch)

I've theorized that his popularity amongst white kids is a combination of having his songs in skateboard videos and his relatively non-threatening appearance. He's Ice Cubes cousin too, so go figure. The lip piercing didn't hurt either. If only he woulda pierced his eyebrow, every god damned Floridian teenager with a smelly haircut woulda bought "Both Sides Of The Brain".

Yeah. Those kids.

I finally got myself a copy of "Back That Azz Up" by your boy Juvie. This has been a glaring, shining bald spot in my Dirty South collection. Now I finally have something to follow "Wobble, Wobble". (If that's even possible.) Only a couple of bucks will get me and countless hoochies precisely four minutes and twenty five seconds of azz backing madness. I can hardly wait.

I have to work on the Fourth of July and that makes me angry. Every fucking restaurant in this town is closing except us. Fuck that. I plan on making the proverbial lemonade out of my employers lemons by getting drunk on the clock. I'm gonna make apple pie too. That oughta be fun.

George Carlin 5.12.37 -6.22.08

2008-06-25T12:47:00.001-05:00

When I was a kid, I was terribly awkward and tubby so I spent a lot of weekend nights at home watching HBO. It seemed that every weekend there would be at least one bit of programming featuring George Carlin and I saw it ALL. Most of the stand-ups had pretty rhythmic acts. Set up, punchline, mug to the audience...repeat as necessary. I couldn't believe that he was just up there talking. He wasn't telling jokes, he was telling the truth and he seemed just as confused about it as I was.

He wanted to know why things were as fucked up or backwards as they are and this led me in some way to question the things happening around me. I think that he had that effect on most of the people who enjoyed his comedy.

Sure, he'd sneak in a fart joke here and there but for the most part, you had to be a pretty sharp person to get most of his jokes. It made me feel pretty special that I understood what he was talking about. It was a GOOD reason to feel set apart from other kids. I kinda think that I should give him credit for showing me the proper way to be funny.

I can't think of anyone who can even come close to filling his clown shoes.

I'm so fucking sad about this.

I work hard enough at work.

2008-06-18T11:47:00.000-05:00

After spending (wasting) something like seven years of my life with people who I thought to be my close friends and brothers, I found alot of them to be selfish, hateful and jealous people. The worst part about that is the amount of time I put in with functions, helping others and general bullshit that no one wanted to do. That includes giving the use of my home which was taken full advantage of week after week for over a year.

I don't want to have to work on bullshit to have friends. I want friends to hang out with, not people who have a list of crap that they want me to do. I'm really upset that I don't seem to have a friend that isn't in some sort of organization that seems to define their friendship........ or idea of friendship.

I just wanted to have people to hang out with and not have some sort of fucking meeting.

Oh well.

Another edition of "Music Will Never Be This Good Again....Ever."

2008-06-03T12:32:00.000-05:00

If James wasn't the best ever he was pretty damn close.
And give it up for the JB's by the way.

File Under: Only In Screwston

2008-05-29T09:46:00.000-05:00

I'll tell anybody who will listen how proud I am to be from Houston. I can rattle off arcane facts about all sorts of junk that my fine city can lay claim to. Facts such as..........Nat Q. Henderson was the first official mayor of Fifth Ward. Houston lifer and real life guitar hero Billy F. Gibbons is an accomplished photographer and buys his supplies at the Houston Camera Co-Op. (Word to Bullseye McKried)We're no longer the fattest city in the country. Willie Nelson was a disk jockey here on KCRT radio in 1956, the same year he wrote "Crazy" and sold it to Patsy Cline. The Art Car movement was started here as well.

These could go on and on but one of my favorite facts about Houston is that our local rap types looooove to get fucked up on prescription cough syrup. Which you may know as lean, pro, oil,purple, purple stuff, or everyones favorite nom de drug......DRANK. (as in "Smokin' dank and sippin' drank")

They love it so much that they based ALL of their music around it still drink it even though it's use has killed three of H-Town's rap pioneers. Those being DJ Screw, Big Moe, and most recently, Pimp C of UGK.

I know this is nothing new to the LOA cliqua, who keeps abreast of all forms of drug consumption. I've even mentioned in one post about how, when mixed with Sparks, it turns you into a genius Frankenstein.

Whatevs. Everyone knows about this stuff these days thanks to Weezy F. Baby, right? Right. Old news.

Imagine my surprise when I came across this little bit of genius over at the Conoco when I was buying Swishers..........Ladies and Germs, I give you.......Drank. Anti. Energy. Drink. (say it slow)

I could not believe my eyes.

So I bought one, naturally....cuz I'm a baller.

It's pretty good, but somehow manages to taste like an energy drink, not an "anti-energy" drink as it claims to be. It says that it's packed full of valerian root extract which sounds pretty good. Pretty "swangin" as it were, but also has rose hip extract which sounds kinda pussy.

You already know that it's purple.

So, I guess if you're in need of a little chill out to mix with that lean........ then get you some DRANK, playbwah.

Oh......These too.

2008-05-28T12:38:00.000-05:00

How could I forget that I picked up "Say No Go" by good old De La for three bucks. It might as well have been still sealed considering the primo condition that it's in. Actually, now that I look at it again, I paid closer to five bucks. Whatever, though. It's so gratifying to find a record that you've wanted for close to 20 years. I found it at a usually ho hum spot as well. To be honest, I think that spot is pretty good, but I'm only ever gonna find one or two things there. Maybe that's for the best. I usually have some dough left over to get some food.(which, frankly, has been on the top of any list these days)

Same spot, different day (I think) I found "T.I.M.E" which was the second Leaders of the New School album. I paid 9 (yeouch!) dollars for the double wax. Again, though, I love that record and you don't come across it every day.

In fact, the last time I even saw it, I was playing it on KPFT. I was visiting Rad Rich's show and the guys from the rap show were late so I snatched up the chance to get nice(ish) on the 1s&2s. It was in one of Rich's crates. Later, I was commenting with a couple dudes on how great this record was. Next thing I know, I go to have a smoke and I see the dudes walking out with the record. So I ask them what's up and the guy tells me that Rich had just given it to him. I was pretty bummed.

That was like, six years ago.

As it turned out, Bobby Fats from The Groove Show was late because he had to pick up some Godiva Chocolate liquor to mix with champagne and serve 'em up to everyone in the station in plastic martini glasses. Whatever though. I got twenty solid minutes on the air followed by a delicious, chocolaty buzz.

And now that I have that record, I can look back fondly on that night.

New Records..that's what's up.

2008-05-26T11:02:00.001-05:00

Sooooooo.......Onto some other things.

I've bought some pretty awesome records over the last few days but I think some would view them as questionable or downright wack. I picked up "Say I Yi Yi" by the Ying Yang Twins and was super excited. I've always liked that song for the comedy effect alone. Same goes for "Get Low" (which you probably own). It kind of a fun record. Sure it's pretty degrading, but it was made for strippers and kinda bigs them up so I guess fair's fair.

I picked up a first pressing of "Rapper's Delight" for a fucking dollar. I'm well aware of the fraudulent nature of the group and all that other shit but, again, it's a pretty fun song. Not to mention the hot price. Someone wrote their initials on it at some point but whatevs. I found a later pressing of it as well so I grabbed that one too.

The original pressing of "Rapper's Delight" has a red label, plain sleeve, and NO Sugar Hill logo as they had not yet invented it. Short version on one side and long on the other. No instrumental. The track, by the way was played live and I think in one take. Due to the lack of technology they couldn't loop "Good Times" by Chic so they had the house band just play that groove for like 8 minutes. The house band for Sugar Hill Records was a bunch of dudes from here in Houston. Neat huh?

I got "Cleanup Woman" by Betty Wright on 45 for a nickel. The label says Alston and is (was) distributed by Atco. I've loved that song for years and it was a SUPER cool find.

Also on the music tip.....I've been straight bugging over DJ Evil Dee's podcasts. The download feature started working fine so I was able to get his breakbeat show and his old-school R&B show downloaded without any hassle. Check him out. "Evil Dee is on the mix!!C'mon kick it!!"

I'm about to whip up some rhubarb and apple turnovers at work on Wednesday and hopefully, they'll make it onto the menu.

The other day I went over to Nat Q. Henderson Elementary in Houston's own Fifth Ward to do a little demonstration for the Recipe For Success classes that they have. I made a chocolate truffle tart with candied orange peel that the kids loved. They got to roll out some of the dough and have a bit of hands on. Everyone had a fun time.

So I guess that's what's up.

Greenhorns.

2008-05-15T00:48:00.000-05:00

I've worked in kitchens for 17 years. That's 1-7 long and largely thankless years but I still love it. I've been cut, burned, overworked, underpaid,yelled at by crazy chefs, spit at by insane Dominican dishwashers, and sweated on by co-workers who I wouldn't let into my own home in any real situation. I've worked with some of the most talented people to pick up a knife and I've worked with shaky tweaker criminals. In two cases that was the same person. It would be safe to say that I've been around the proverbial block and paid just about every due that I've come across. So, knowing all of this, you would be safe in assuming that I wanna cut the throat of some jerk off that just walked out of some bullshit school and wants to tell me his method of making pate de choux. Or ice cream. Or sorbet. Or any fucking thing.

Fuck rookies.

Due to the bizarre success of shows like Hell's Kitchen (crap) and Top Chef, (utter garbage) being a chef is now becoming the hot new job and cooking schools are opening as fast as they fill up. And where the fuck do these dickweeds go when they "graduate"?
Right into the goddamned world to show it that they learned how to be an honest to god CHEF. The problem there is that most of these retarded mouth breathers can't function in an actual kitchen. They've been so gassed up by the people who run these schools that they come out of there thinking they're gonna turn the culinary world on it's ear and "really show 'em how it's done". These mooks are fucking up my flawed, but ultimately life affirming version of paradise (which, incidentally, is a cramped, noisy, hot, loud, submarine like hell hole filled with people as crazy as me.)because they can't cook worth a shit.

Don't get me wrong here, friends and neighbors. I know that truly great schools exist and people do go to them and can come out changed for the better. But there's like three. In the whole country. And those aren't very easy to get into considering that they require some kind of real world kitchen experience (good) and an assload of money (bullshit). So tell me all about Johnson And Wales some other time, nerd.

Cooking schools have become the new truck driving schools promising a life of adventure and high class. They fail to mention that the "high class" is happening in the dining room while you break your ass trying to feed people who wouldn't piss on you if your hair was on fire. The fact is.....the guy working the grill just got out of prison. In El Salvador. The prep cook is drunk and two of the waitresses are so coked out that they can't get their orders together, let alone their collective shit. And that's on a Tuesday. Lunch. Make that equation a Friday night and everything gets multiplied by a gajillion. It's just not a safe place to be for some dewy eyed cocksucker that wants to play in the big show.

I know some folks that went to these schools and aren't total fuck-jobs. But that's only because they knew that dedication and hard work are your only worthwhile routes to actual learning. Not just the receipt from your tuition payment.

So, to answer your question.....No I don't "totally love" cooking shows. Rachael Ray can eat a bowl of dick up and hiccup. Gordon Ramsey threw away the career of a lifetime to take his shirt off on TV. Jamie Oliver is only getting a pass because he works with kids and anyone on Top Chef is marked for death by legions of tough ass grinders who throw down night after night for the love, not the fame.

So watch your backs, greenhorns.

What happened to my raps?

2008-04-22T11:20:00.000-05:00

Now that I've got the new computer box, I've been spending way more time than usual on the webs. This has led me to this thought........Why in the hell is crap I read on the internet the only way I can be entertained by hip hop anymore?
Really. I've spent the last two days mostly reading stuff about music that was made 15 years ago, written by dudes as dorky as me. It's been fun as hell but it made me wonder why I can't find some actual music that gets me as revved up as I used to get. This is happening to me across the board with all kinds of music. I guess I'm just antsy because I don't want to think that it's all that boring.
Things that interest me come out on a regular basis but nothing has really made an impact. I think Ted Leo was the last one and that was a heavy duty find for me, but now I want some hip hop.
Badly.
Here are some videos to reminisce (over you).
Good start.

So Fresh.

Even better.

The Departed

2008-04-03T10:52:00.000-05:00

My days of following a chef around from restaurant to restaurant are, I believe, over. Unless there's a sure thing willing to hook up my wallet, I'm staying the fuck put and there's not a thing wrong with that.
My current chef is leaving to pursue the dream of opening his own place. I think that's great, but beyond that, I don't care. I don't care that he's leaving. At all. Come to think of it, considering the way he acts while in the kitchen nowadays, the sooner the better. It's become really unpleasant.
I think that my co workers are picking up this vibe from me and think that I've chosen some sort of side which is ridiculous.
The only side I'm on is mine and I've got to buy a car, find a new apartment and take a trip (to maybe find greener pastures) before the year is over so I'm not going anywhere. Actually, I think it would be downright stupid for me to leave now. Sure, there's lots of things about that place that I'm unhappy with but each and every one of them is minor and rarely effects my work. And with the way I've set up my menu, I think I can look forward to a pretty fun summer and who doesn't want that?
And what if the new chef is awesome? What if there's no new chef at all and it becomes a rudderless ship?
I can live with that because I don't need someone else to validate my skills.
I'll leave when I'm good and ready.

We'll get this out of the way right now.

2008-03-31T08:54:00.000-05:00

I couldn't have been too long before I put something about Rocket From The Crypt on here so I'ma just sneak this in. This song is absolutely incredible.

Forgotten Rap Jams

2008-03-30T12:59:00.000-05:00

This tune has been a favorite of mine since I bought the record in 1990-something. It's the b-side to the "I'm Kurious" 12 inch. A spectacular example of Sadat X's "Not Really Rhyming, But Still Sounding Fresh" style. I saw this video aired exactly one time on Rap City. So here it is......"Mansion And A Yacht"

I, for the record, am not down with the Greeks.

2008-03-30T10:56:00.000-05:00

The Kappa Beach Party came very close to fucking my vacation right up. I'm aware that the Kappas aren't affiliating themselves with this little jam any longer but so what.

If you're expecting thousands of people to show up on an island on a particular weekend, get the date on your website right so I don't have to have a heart attack when I find that the weekend I wanna ride my scooter down there is gonna be the same weekend said thousands of people are gonna be there.

It's not the same weekend. My vacation is not gonna be fucked. I got pretty freaked out yesterday while trying to book a hotel though. Turns out that the Kappa party is the next weekend. I'll only have to deal with some "Art Festival" for those couple of days while me and my friends tear ass around the island on scooters. It was still a bitch to get a room that wasn't super pricey.

Fuck "Art Festivals" by the way. Your bead booths and stained glass baby angels and sock monkeys do not classify as art in my book and you shouldn't have to close down streets to sell it. Save your shit for the State Fair and you can sell your wooden peace signs next to the bitch that puts your stupid name on a grain of rice.

And just so everyone's clear on this.......I hate frats. And just because it's a black fraternity doesn't mean it's not filled to the brim with the same bozos that are in all the other ones.

I hear the party's hype though.

That New, New Shit.

2008-03-29T10:23:00.000-05:00

So you were waiting for it with baited breffs. I understand. Here it is, party people. Now I'll lace you up with more crap than you ever cared to read about. Like how the Kappa Beach Party almost fucked up my vacation. Word.